There Is No Title That Will Do This Justice



There are few things easier or lazier than making fat jokes. Most people have some sort of disdain for the obese. It’s their own fault, put down the donut, etc.

In a way, I feel bad for people who are obese, the same way I feel bad for junkies or smokers, but at least they look cool in those American Apparel ads. At the end of the day though, none of them really want to be what they’ve become. A number of circumstances have led them to their fate; some their own fault, others that are factors that are beyond their control. There is a point in here somewhere. Oh yeah, regarding the whole fat people not wanting to be fat bit. Scratch at least one person off that list, but definitely make room for them on this List. A lot of room. HAHA, CUZ THEY’RE FAT! See how easy that was?

600-pound woman sets weight goal – 1,000 lbs
By Associated Press
Tuesday, March 16, 2010 – Added 22h ago

This girl’s dreaming big!

Donna Simpson, 42, of Old Bridge, N.J., already tips the scales at 600 pounds but says she won’t be satisfied until she’s porked herself up to 1,000 – to grab the title of world’s fattest woman, the London Dail Mail reported.

That’s why she’s gone on a junkfood jihad. But Simpson has given herself two years to hit the millennium mark. She earns her chow bucks – a whopping 750 clams a week – with a Web site where men pay her to watch her eat fast food.

“I love eating and people love watching me eat,” Simpson said. “It makes people happy, and I’m not harming anyone.”

“I do love cakes and sweet things, doughnuts are my favorite,” she said. She’s also fond of burgers and fries – an important part of her 12,000-calorie-a-day diet – and carefully avoids exercise. Simpson already holds the Guinness World Record as the fattest mom, 532 pounds when she gave birth in 2007. She says boyfriend Philippe, 49, eggs her on. “I think he’d like it if I was bigger. He’s a real belly man.”

I could probably create an entire new blog (same way I basically created this one!) about what’s wrong with this story. One post about that lead sentence, another one about the phrase “junkfood jihad”, another about this whole fucking thing, but I digress. I will say though… actually, nevermind. Time to shut it down (the world, that is.)