Talking on Your Cell Phone in a Cafe

fucking important. You can’t help it.

One thing really important people always do – sit in cafes all day talking on their cell phone. Donald Trump. Oprah. Belichek. They all do it. They all are just like you are right now: sitting in a quiet cafe (where everyone other than you is sitting in silence), going back and forth between Facebook and Perez Hilton on your laptop, calling up your friends and convincing them how awesome you are.

If you’re going to a cafe, just turn the cell phone off. You don’t need to be on the phone 24 hours a day. There should be places to get away from that, and a cafe is one. Once the initial novelty of being able to be on the phone 24 hours a day wore off, you should have realized that you don’t really have that much to say. You’re not really that interesting. You’re not even a tenth as interesting as I am, and I sit here in silence. You certainly shouldn’t bother everyone else with your futile conversation when we’re all just trying to read. Talking on your cell phone in crowded places, cafes, while ordering food, while running, etc – on the list.